Sathy Balamani

Balamani is our (ex) servant Maid.....A lean, but strong, medium statured , energetic femme in her mid forties, with three grown up kids....And she is so vain of how she is still maintaining her slim figure....She stops in the middle of her sweeping , straightens up and asks me ---with a capricious look in her eyes which belies the doubt in her question---whether she had put on any weight recently...When i say no, her face splits into a happy grin and with a satisfied "everybody says so" she resumes her sweeping....

She was with me from the day we arrived in our own new flat at Tarnaka---some seventeen years ago---till recently,when ,unable to stand her frequent french leaves, i regretfully terminated her services....Yes...That was the only problem with her...She "d keep you waiting, jumping like mad and tearing at your hair at least twice in a week with her absences from work..."why cant she intimate me beforehand?".i wail and chide my self for not adhering to the golden advice my late mother-in-law gave me.."Employ only either unmarried girls or older women",..she used to say.."they are relatively freer and do not skip work often as the women in child bearing and rearing age do".....yeah...golden words...and brilliant HR principle...

But to be fair to Balamani,she would never make you regret her once she chugs in through the threshold banging the doors ...You 'll be reminded of a steam engine...All speed and sound...Yeah, i even believe she lets out smoke through her ears...You can hoard a big basket of dirty dishes or a tubful of soiled clothes...Balamani is not one to be intimidated by such mere trifles...She will go through them with a vengeance and before you can say Jack Robinson, she is all done and gone...As my husband once remarked wryly,"you go take a pee and she is gone already"..like that lord"s test we lost to England..with a 42 all out...Just don"t look too closely at the dishes...anyway you would put them under tap again no?

As i said before,Balamani is an adoring mother of three kids...and brought them up single-handedly,...well....almost...since her husband was a lion...I mean, he is one fine fellow who chose to live life like a lion...Those of you who see N.G.C. channel know how a lion lives...He lazes around all day ,grooming, scratching, sleeping and is usually the first one to devour the food his lionesses hunt and offer at his feet...Only this one is no lion...a pussy cat, you could say...A timid, nervous man unsure of him self,..just happy to relinquish the reins to a more capable partner...She thinks he has psychic problems while on one or two times i have seen him, he struck me as quite a normal guy,..may be just a bit laid back in attitude...He is a tailor by vocation...actually managed to make it a vacation,for he worked only occasionally and obviously became the biggest woe of his wife....As the kids grew up into their most crucial formative years, his career graph went exactly inversely proportional...

It is not as if her husband ever drank or had other bad habits, Balamani used to confide in me as she snatched few moments rest between her afternoon chores...That was the time she could take a little breather as all the men are out of the house and she could indulge in a bit of gossip with the mistresses...She would burst into peals of laughter and admitted SHE was the one who took a drop every now and then..You see, ..when there are marriages, functions, and other ocassions...Here she becomes virtuous and promised she would drop the habit soon, as her kids are growing up and what would a daughter-in-law is going say?...I nod my head and remember how my father---who as i said earlier liked to have his evening drink---felt himself to be in sympathetic league with her, and never forgot to tip her every time he visited us and admonished her to save money.......to buy a quarter and not to go for cheaper iuml...

She would relax ,during those afternoons, sit back and outlaid her plans for future, not caring whether i listened to or not...She has a nephew at her husband"s place and declared that she would, marry her daughter off to him with two cents of land they owned there....After all that boy is studying engineering and is a good catch...When her sons come up and start earning, she is going to build a small house in the small plot she acquired some time back...

So.... i watched her all through these years as both my child and her"s grew up along....as she struggled ,skimped and saved to bring up three kids on the meagre wages she brought in,in an expensive city like Hyderabad.. In a way, i think it is even quite heartening to know that still people at all levels can survive in this city...She would preserve even the smallest amounts of leftovers and carried them home...Some how always made sure that her kids are dressed in good enough clothes...Took on odd jobs to add to her income..Invested in what she called as CHittis...(chitfunds i suppose) and by juggling things here and there managed to have gas stoves, grinders, t.v.even few gold trinkets which she brought in proudly , to her workplace to be inspected by her mistresses,...,put her daughter through the high school and computer cources...and managed to place her sons (they were no good in studies) in fairly good vocations...And most importantly,brought them up to be good, obedient kids...

And all this while, her husband remained just a spectator...His contribution to either the family kitty, or at least an assertive role in the house hold affairs was just nill or at the most a very feeble one...He sits at one corner of the house or goes out on pleasant walks around the locality ...I daresay Balamani must have been in the habit of giving him a dressing down now and then and berated him regularly... Why not?...Nobody would respect anyone who does not discharge his duties..It is not just a matter of money either ..For I have seen so many people,who though would not earn single paise got oodles of respect from family members...Perhaps it has got to do with how much one cares for his or her wards and how strong and assertive they are in character...

On the other hand,she spent a fair amount of her money on him whenever he fell ill or went away sulking ..He does that some time...goes off just like that...Then she and her eldest son go searching after him.......I remember how she fell into a heap crying and calling upon the gods to come to her rescue and find him...huh...don"t i know it?....She skipped work for three days once to go to warangal to find him and on return skipped another day to pay her vows at the Balkampet yellamma temple...:)

I watch and wonder at this state of circumstances........O.k..May be it IS blashemous to take Balamani"s name in the same breath with the great pathivrathas...But i can say surely that she could be called as a fraction of those great women who knew the meaning of love...For only love can make a man or woman to forgive and overlook faults in others and not anything else...no amount of brainwashing or tutoring can do that...

Mothers Of Sons

May be i am not a competent person to write on this topic, having no son to speak of...but i have watched so many pairs of mothers and sons at close quarters and have the advantage of being an impartial observer..i daresay.. Anyway i am not going to be too essayistic about it...It is just that ,having reared a girl (who Had been an obedient girl)..all our lives me and husband do feel rather shaken after observing some of "em at work...:) and have come to the conclusion that mothers of boys make Brave hearts and make even great philosophers too..

This fact realised on us pretty soon the moment i saw my sister placidly going on with her combing when my husband gave a shout, ran after and brought back Parikshith who was just then precariously bending over the door of a running train---ostensibly to peep at the outside scenery--.. Parikshith was eight,my sister"s second son, and we were returning from our trip to Shirdi,...The train entered the Hyderabad limits and was running through a cemetery when this happened...Husband and i were badly rattled and went rather fussy over the whole thing while his parents---my sister and her husband--- were unruffled..As said earlier, my sister went on to comb her hair and her husband casually remarked that since we were already going through the cemetery,it would not take too much bother if anything untoward happened...




My sister says that unless you adopt that take-it-easy attitude you will not go too far and will end up a nervous wreck if you worried over every small thing the boys did...small thing?.....Yeah...small things...Once Kashyap..(her first son)..chose to go along with the lorries that were taking the ganesh idols to Hussain sagar for immersion and returned home at nine -thirty in the night...He said he saw an acquaintance who invited him to join in the fun....all for a lark..He was eleven or twelve and ofcource forgot to inform parents of his little absence beforehand...When asked how she bore with this, my sister said ofcource she worried but since there was nothing she could do, learned to take it in her stride...

The most tiresome thing,they told me, was the cooking...especially in their growing up years...You boil pots and pots of food and it does not show even an inch on their bodies and they still whine and complain they are not getting enough...You bring home a dozen plantains and they don't last two days...You start making dosais and you have to keep at it till your hands ache.....And..what about the connoisseurs among them,who prefer hotel foods.?.. Once i observed a cousin who was fumbling in her purse and exasperatedly muttering something about "five rupees...always wants five rupees"...Since she was just then sending her son to college i asked her whether he wanted that amount to have tiffin..."NO.."..she said.." i have to pay that to make him eat at home"...I could not stop laughing..Obviously ,in mathri prema, she wanted to give him home-made food and the fellow demands five RS to eat it...


Sons are going to teach you to be philosophical..My sisters and cousins informed me..They open up your eyes to the vagaries and varieties of life...For example,they said,if you have two sons it is almost certain that one will never go out of the house and one can never be found inside the house..In fact one mother told me that she felt like a station master...You have to constantly mount guard over who "s coming and who"s leaving....Again,one son has has troops of friends and one has no more than a few....Once i went to my sister"s house and saw that it was full of Kashyap"s friends lounging,eating,at the system....O.K..that was no surprise...But when i looked around Kash himself was missing...My sis informed me HE was at another friend"s house......




They...the mothers..live in a happy state of perpetual uncertainty...You never know what is going to happen the next minute..Do not even know what to expect at the dinner table..for the son may come in with a bunch of ravenously hungry friends any time and expect you to provide food at short notice...Or he would call up and say he was eating out and you"d better not lock the doors...He may suddenly drop out of a planned trip when you are all done and ready to call for the taxi...I know it happened...Hyma and family were on the verge of calling for a taxi to railway station ---to go to Thirupathi---- and Parikshith announced he could not make it...His friend called just then and said there would be classes...My sister did not bat an eyelid and with the ease of a HR manager passed on instructions.."O.K..take out your clothes from the separate suitcase ---(did she anticipate this?)---Stay at peddamma"s house"....Or he may put a silent bomb under your feet and say he is not liking his job at the moment and thinking of leaving it and yes ..in fact left it...

And all this when you are finally at peace,, thinking of finding a match for him... Yes..I knew a boy who came in with a grave face to complain to his mom one fine day that was just about it...he was fed up with his work, thinking of going for great open spaces and explore the world and the very next day informed her that he was now thinking of getting married to a girl he met online whom he had never seen...I did not know what she exactly said,but i salute the poor mother for having gone through the scares and lived to tell the tale......

The worst part,apparently was refereeing between the warring males of the family...and that includes the bigger boy--the father---Ofcource the sons never lift a finger in the day to day chores..(a norm these days).and usually the man of the house --poor fellow--does it all himself,with or without grumbling...But sometimes a situation comes when the interests clash and the mother becomes the punchbag...yeah....i can already hear voices saying..."she is no punchbag...Always sides with her sons".. I remember the plight of a cousin who had to oscillate between a son who insisted he was ill and needed her attention and her fifty -eight year old hubby who demanded she accompany him on tour...

As my cousin"s son said to his mother who was persuading him to study well and work harder.."it"s no use,.Janaki...Try to spend another hour before God.."...:)


The only little bonus in having sons, I have often observed is that the mothers of sons tend to dress well and neatly ,up to date with fashion......might be because they do not get to be reminded of their age with the presence of younger girls on the scene...I know...as all mothers of girls do too well.....and they do not have to carry baggage in journeys....,.

While this is all in good fun,one word here about the worries of the mothers would not be amiss...I would love to recount an experience of a sister ...She went to her son"s class teacher,concerned about his poor academic performance...The teacher apparently told her "madam,do not get worried..he can cope up anytime...but he is a good fellow and believe me...I "ve seen so many of them..count yourself lucky for that"... I think that about sums up what i want to say...

Another chief worry was about the relationships and the repurcussions that are going to affect them in their most crucial periods and struggling years...I saw a cousin of mine worrying over a possible relationship unfolding with a son of hers and tried to console her...She said she was "nt concerned over whether it comes off or not but was scared it might spoil his education...I mean...the world being as bad as it is, the vulnerable kids would get hurt a great deal more or as much as a girl too...

Let"s hope that no mother"s heart burns and the kids (boys and girls too) do not spoil their golden futures and may they all flourish..

inspirations?

Recently i was watching a children"s singing competition on telly and was wondering on just how talented today"s kids are..Are..They are up to every trick in the trade...Keeping to sruthi and beat much better than some of the judges who are sitting there,...they are singing most difficult of the numbers...i mean where originally the records have been made with umpteen rehearsals and track mixings and what not...

But what i want to mention here is about one number from the movie Aadavalla maatalaku arthale verule----.We saw the film, and at that time i was vaguely aware --(you,see, i am not one of those multi talented whizz kids who can do thousand things at a time..when i am told to watch a movie, i watch it)-- that the number EVAINDI EE VELA?, and background score was real good..though the picturisation did not look too hot...When i saw a boy singing it on the show,some how it caught on me and i realised it was a very melodious number and also ..reminding me faintly of an earlier number i could not quite place ...

These days more and more numbers are sounding just like this and i heard music directors are calling them as "inspired music---obviously...No..i am not insinuating anything..After all there are only 72 melakartha ragas and seven notes..On the other hand , i really appreciate the novelty these people bring to the older versions and developing on the tunes...I thought the "voni kattina deepavali"from Pandem kodi sounded almost similar to the Mannade"s Dil ka bhawar kare pukar..pyar ka raag suno re"...So also were Sivaji"s "sahana",.."mayilarage" from "ah AAh...and premanna nuvve from Manmadhudu...I kept wondering where i have heard them..

O.k...Well...and ...good..May be the human race has reached a saturation point in creativity in music and there is now nothing more to be invented ..I am not complaining..for i did like the orchestration they weave around the original tunes...and that is no less a mean task..

Chocolates Good For Health?

Yesterday we went to my sister"s house,on our weekly get togethers, and caught Pradhith munching on chocolates with obvious gusto...He even managed to mumble between the mouthfuls that he read somewhere that they are good for heart and must be consumed at least once a week, if we want to keep that dreadful attack away..Now..is that right? ...could somebody inform me?...Looks like i have found my answer to my husband"s accusing looks whenever he catches me with one of the heavenly toffees..."hey..just what the doc has ordered...