The Day I Saw God

May be the title should read as the evening.....For it was on an evening....one june evening in 1969 to be precise..when i saw the mother for first time in Jillellamudi..

I was about to celebrate my twelfth birthday soon...and enjoying my summer holidays at that time in Guntur, with my favourite cousins...and was supposed to join my parents later,when they travel to Penukonda (ananthapurDt) as dad was transferred there...But still there was lot of time before that and as i said before, i was having a whale of time in Guntur....

I hazily remember that there had been a lot of talk in the house about taking a trip to Jillellamudi (uncle and aunt are related to the mother).. though it never seemed to materialize.. and ofcource we kids never bothered...But one day Apparao mamayyagaru and Sarusatha called for a taxi and we were bundled in to it and started for the two hour long trip to Jillellamudi......I could remember how we got inordinately delayed, right at the Radhakrishna theater over some mechanical trouble...I think we waited for nearly one and half hrs before the car could start, and reached jillellamudi at about four or five in the evening...

In those days...Why? even now jillellamudi was such a peaceful place but going to it was tortuous.....Those seven miles from Bapatla seemed to be like seven hills ..the roads were that bad... We turned right, at the seventh milestone and motored in along the two or odd kilometers to jillellamudi, across the naked fields that had already been harvested and waiting for the first rains... we reached the big building that was called Adaranaalayam..I curiously watched as my aunt and uncle relaxed, talking to the few of their relatives, and other followers there...I think we were taken to Hymalayam too..before going up to the tiny penthouse on the third story of the building to see mother..

We were ushered in to a small room...and i could not describe the silence in there...It was a tense...exciting...throbbing kind of silence..as if the breathing is put on a hold....Not the drab, soundless gloomy silence..forgive me for being unable to put the feeling in to words...Mother sat on her bed...Visitors went up , bowed at her feet and sat back...I too sat back with my cousins and watched her...Dressed in an olive green silk sari with a red border, looking on with a calm face..she was a spell binding personality... I mean...put her in any place on this world ,without all this building up of the atmosphere,.. and still everyone would be staring at her...Though, personally she was not bothered and received people naturally..If they are known to her, she would give a happy smile and greet..Many strangers used to come to see her..and she would give them a considerate look...and was ready to talk if they so desired..

When you meet a stranger, you could look in to their eyes and know and read whatever the language they speak...usually it is impersonal..sometimes curious,sometimes indifferent,interested.annoyed, admiring,wondering,hating according to case......But when mother looked at you ,you can hardly read anything. of that sort...It was as if you are not a stranger..as if she knew you...She looked at you once or twice and carried on with other things.

On that evening someone presented her with a basket of ripe mangoes and she called in everybody present and gave a fruit to each one..I myself received one..later in the evening, she retired to the lovely open terraces of the building and all of us gathered around her bed and she sat talking to the few people ..

We spent nearly ten days there,..and i am sorry to say, we kids were immersed in ourselves playing, fighting, and chatting...We hardly paid any attention to the mother....Ofcource at all times we used to go and have darshan and even sat with her for sometime, and thought highly of her..But the age being such we concentrated more on games than on anything else..that it surprised me myself very much when, on the last day of our trip,as we sat before her and the fact suddenly realised on me that i may not see mother again once i go away...a slight feeling of sorrow started nibbling me and just then mother beckoned me to come to her...She used to have an uncanny sense of knowing other"s feelings...I went up and -did"nt know why- ,began crying..and really cried my heart out...Mother took me into her arms and soothed me affectionately...Oh.The sheer grace and game of lord....Why should i cry to part with a distantly related woman? and why should she, a rather busy woman, take some silly young girl to her heart and console her?...

Thus began a long relationship.....It saw some highs and lows, some offs and ons, some tantrums, -entirely on my part-,when i thought she was not caring for me,.. when something did not happen to my taste,---So,just because you believe in god he is bound to do as you bid?.--- but she always stood by me steadfast,showering her grace...it passed all those stages...and now if you asked me to show god i would be able to...

some links on mother
http://www.motherofall.org/
http://www.viswajanani.org/index.htm